Finding Joy Beyond Function

I was chatting with a prayer partner and friend the other day. Usually during these times we share what is going on in our individual ministries, lives and families. We toss ideas back and forth regarding certain aspects of ministry. We share some scripture and we encourage one another. We pray for each other. It’s not rocket science. However, this week in the course of sharing what God is speaking to me about…I found myself humbled by clarity.

For years I have found myself continually sucked into a cycle of faith stretching commitments followed by personal disappointment. Not so much disappointment in God as much as in myself. I have felt that God has called me to big things, only to let Him down by not “producing” enough or meeting some sort of earthly expectation. I would walk away from a Sunday worship service angry at myself because more people didn’t attend. I would leave a conference, frustrated that everyone else was producing leaders and I wasn’t. The cycle wandered back and forth between the highs of the calling to the lows of the function. I identified myself by the success of my function for God. In turn, I missed stuff.

Perhaps you (like me) look at old pictures online or maybe a photo album (if you predate digital anything like I do). Around the same time that I was sending my oldest off to the University of Florida to be a Gator, I came across a picture of him at age 4. He was standing in the late summer sun of Pennsylvania, covered in red snow cone juice running down his face and shirt. His Philadelphia Phillies shirt glistened as did his huge smile. In the early stages of planting a church in Pennsylvania, before we ever launched to the public, my buddy ran around with me everywhere as I did my thing. One day we bolted out of town to the state fair together. It was a very good afternoon. When I saw that picture I became a little sad because I won’t get that day back. I was quickly reminded that I won’t get a single day back.

So many thoughts and questions began to flood my mind since that picture. Am I still enjoying life? Am I appreciating the moments given to me? Is my joy too closely tied to my function as a planter and pastor rather than a child of God?

You see, on that day, my greatest joy was my son. It was being with him and watching him pleasure in the goodness around him. He smiled in the sun and went full-tilt into that snow cone. He laughed as we petted animals and he covered his eyes as a man wrestled an alligator. As His child, God delights in my delight. Yes, God loves to see gospel results, but not at the expense of a miserable child.

I’m working harder on not just living for Sunday attendance or my functional success but for other areas of joy. I’m trying to remember “snow cone moments” each and ever day and make more of them. Life is short. We were given gardens and Sabbaths to enjoy. Let’s do just that!